(Zur deutschen Version – hier klicken / German version over here )
I wish you a happy Mother’s Day today! I am writing these lines with a view of a cherry tree in full bloom. I love this feeling in my whole body, when in spring the flowers shoot out of the earth, the trees blossom and the foliage shines fresh and green everywhere. Every year it moves me, especially after the winter. At this time, nature shows in perfect abundance what beauty it has to offer.
Suddenly something in me comes to life again: An effervescent joy, deep gratitude for this abundance, and a convincing hope that after a dark winter there will come a time when things will blossom for me, too, that are not yet visible now. Not because it’s expected by anyone who gives me a deadline, or because everyone else is doing it. But because it is in my DNA, too. There is something in me that is getting ready for the right time to emerge and unfold.
Do you recognize this longing?
I thrive when I can talk to people about what moves them. Moments when we show ourselves as human beings and are seen.
When I had a baby and a kindergartener during the Covid, I sometimes had no peace for longer conversations for months. Visits to cafés, hugs – as soon as someone had a cold, I was worried. I got too anxious to really enjoy the time we spent together. An insatiable hunger grew in me – and then it was replaced by resignation. It was really an extreme challenge. What was it like for you? What was your “winter”?
At some point, I no longer knew what I actually wanted.
When someone asked me, “How can I support you?” I felt more desperation. I was so starved that it felt as if my needs had become so huge that they couldn’t be satisfied anyway. “I just want to get away from all of the resposibilties! I need at least a year of rest and vacation! Two weeks of round-the-clock sleep!” And along with that came the frequent experience that eventually became a conviction: “Even if I say what I really want or need, I probably won’t be able to get it. And that feeling will be even bitterer.”
Martha Beck once said in an interview, “When I listen to young mothers, they speak of sleep like someone dying in the desert speaks of water.”
That’s how I felt.
Maybe you can congratulate yourself today once again that you have come through this time! You have made it! You did it! You are here now. Did you have time for yourself during the lockdowns? Did you feel something new that was in your DNA? Did something blossom for you in the quiet? Or were you more in constant stress survival mode?
What sparks your curiosity?
So I had gotten pretty far away from myself and was heading towards burnout at a good speed when, through a series of crazy chain events, I came across a woman who radiated a very different way of life. Who is sensitive, extremely smart and super funny. Who is somehow so … alive. Who had managed to build a life for herself based on her needs. Who openly lives and shares her quirks and eccentricities, her fascinations, opinions and challenges. Who lets herself be who she really is. And looks at herself with curiosity. Playfully.
I remember it clearly. I was electrified.
It was about Mother’s Day one year ago.
Maybe you don’t know what you need or want right now either. Maybe this question is easier: what women are intriguing to you? Who gets you curious?
Since I started listening to this woman more often, I’ve learned what it means to take my body seriously and use it as compass for my needs. To literally feel what I need. I started making small choices that not only made sense in my head, but felt good in my whole body: Spending an hour in the garden instead of at the noisy dinner table, for example, did me extreme good.
But the small gestures alone aren’t always enough, and then we get to the crux of the matter: allowing myself to want what I really want. To want MORE. More than a nice hour in the evening, when I’m actually already exhausted.
It was during this time that fate nudged me again and turned me on to “JournalSpeak,” a therapeutic way of journaling. Psychologist Nicole Sachs developed this method when she was a mother in despair, to the point of complete exhaustion and chronic pain. No treatment worked. Her healing journey began with writing absolutely honestly in her journal, “I hate being a mother.” And in doing so, admitting for the first time a truth she had always forbidden herself to tell. Her body and soul reacted to this – and she gradually became healthy.
I know this, too: shame about finding myself in the morning, wishing that my children were finally back in bed. And I know the feeling of not actually being allowed to say: I don’t know what I want, but THIS IS NOT IT.
Being allowed to express the ugliest, most inappropriate thoughts and feelings somewhere helps us process and heal. and maybe find a middle space where, once expressed, these feelings soften again, because they have been witnessed.
Allowing myself to feel what I really feel and to say (to myself only, for now) what I really want to say was extremely powerful for me. It was the beginning of many steps that gave me back strength and joy!
“At some point in a woman’s life, she just gets tired of being ashamed all the time.
Elizabeth Gilbert
After that, she is free to become whoever she truly is.”
I still have a way to go, but I now notice much more quickly when I’m off course again and feel uncomfortable.
And you know what? It feels like spring when I admit my needs. Especially the small ones. Strawberries for 5 euros? Too expensive, actually. But tasted super delicious!
How much I celebrated the first time I spontaneously drove halfway across the country to an Equine Assisted Coaching day – all by myself. And returned completely fulfilled by an experience that I would have talked myself out of in the past.
I have progressively flung open more and more windows and doors in me and let the fresh spring air blow in.
I have come to trust what my intuition tells me. I no longer saw what didn’t feel right as inevitable. I have felt that deep down I know what the right path is. So much so that I now follow it professionally and run my business exactly the same way. As a psychologist, I became curious: How can I make these changes not only intuitively, but intentionally, step by step, for myself? How can I keep at it every day and support myself? What does science say about the wisdom of the body?
Thus the idea for Comfortzone Coaching was born. Without these steps, I would not have had the strength or ideas for that excite me so much now. A year ago I would NEVER have thought that I could have the courage, confidence and time to change my career. If someone would have told me: In 12 months you’ll have a gorgeous office of your own, you’ll have a job that brings you joy from the bottom of your heart and you’ll have clients who inspire you? Impossible! And now it’s already here.
What is it that you really want?
I wish you for Mother’s Day that your intuition gives you this gift, knocks quietly on your door and asks:
- WHAT do you want?
If you wouldn’t be judged, if nothing could go wrong, what do you want?
- What do YOU want?
Not your partner, your children, your friends, not your family? What do you want?
- What do you WANT?
Not: what should you do, what do you think, what could you do, not even the polite what would you like… what do you want?
And most of all, I wish you to feel that voice deep inside, your most loving, wisest Self, telling you: You’re allowed. I’m giving myself permission. Everything starts with allowing yourself to venture even ONE step beyond the familiar path.
Perhaps something is stirring within you right now. It’s so beautiful to realize that we’re not alone with our desires. Where do you dream to be in a year? Write it down in the comments below!
If you take away just one thing:
What would be possible until the next Mother’s Day, if you would ask yourself only 1x a week: What do I really want? What do I really feel?
Are you reading this on your phone right now? Or do you have your cell phone nearby?
- Open up your reminders app.
- Create a reminder with the title: What do I really want?
- Set a notification for a day and time in the week when you usually have a moment to think (and feel).
- Now, set it to repeat weekly.
- Let it pop up, and once you’ve honestly asked yourself the question this week, close the reminder – until it comes back next week: What do I really want?
I have a gift for you!
Actually, even three! This question is my Mother’s Day gift to you. You are such a great person at heart. I can’t wait to see what happens as you live more and more of what’s really hidden inside of you! It gives me goosebumps.
- Do you want to join me spontaneously? Sign up here and you will receive an email from me 4 times a year with 1-2 questions. You can use them to reflect for yourself on what you really want. Or you can actually respond to me and tell me what has evolved for you. I promise to answer you personally. I’ll give you a boost and I’d be so happy to witness something start flowing for you today!
- Are you curious about the ways I’ve created to make choices every day that truly bring strength and joy back to me? Then be sure to sign up for my latest spring mini-course!
In my “The “Guide to Flourishing”, I reveal step-by-step what you need to know and give you practical exercises to do. - Maybe you also wish someone would listen to you, take you seriously and put YOU first. Someone who effectively helps you to find clarity for your own path and to walk it with more ease. Then maybe individual coaching is for you. Currently there is a nice spring bonus waiting for you 🌸
I sincerely wish you an amazing Mother’s Day, where you get what you really want.
I’ll see you next time,
